Back in the day, when I was a member of a therapy group, I had a saying that became the norm for our little troupe when it was time for someone to just “get real.” One of the members of our group would be in pain that week, and would be upset and wanting to vent or play the victim. In a loving group like we had, we felt safe to either hold your hand when you were crying, or bust you over the head when you needed that, too. When somebody was trying to play the victim, eventually I would just tell them, “Dude, you need to puke it.” The new members would look at me like I was “just not right,” but those who had been in group with me for awhile knew just what I meant.

See, everybody has “stuff” inside, painful memories or issues that influence their behaviors and relationships yet today. I drew the analogy that all of that stuff is like a bunch of rotten garbage: stinking, festering, moldy, disgusting crap down inside of you, sealed up in a zip-lock bag, but it leaks. It’s toxic, and it makes us feel lousy. It seeps out and causes us to be reactive, hurtful, abusive, abrasive, or it keeps us in pain and steals our peace. You know what happens to rotten garbage when it’s kept in the dark, wrapped in plastic, and never sees the sun or a breath of air though…it never goes away. It just keeps getting nastier. That stuff is what we are trying to purge when we come to therapy.

What happens, though, if you go outside and vomit some of that stuff out on the sidewalk? Well, when you initially puke, WOW, does it ever wreak! It’s nasty, foul, and let’s be honest…nobody likes to vomit. It’s just not pleasant, and it can make you feel worse for a bit. After a little while outside, though, the sun and wind will begin to dry it up. The rain will begin to wash it away. It won’t stink anymore, and it will be gone! Most importantly, it will not be inside you, affecting your behaviors and emotions anymore. Hiding your stuff away and denying its existence only perpetuates the problem. Getting it out in the open and dealing with it is what makes it go away.

From what I’m told when I reconnect with some of my old “groupies”, they still use that phrase to this day. “As Nancy would say, you need to puke it.” That just makes me smile. So what do you need to puke today? What issues keep you in bondage? Consider puking them out instead of just describing the foul vomit inside of you to others. Something to think about. See you next time.

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2010, Nancy Eisenman

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