OK, I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s something that I struggle with, so I’m going to blog about it somemore, and preach some more to myself.  I need to talk myself into some things, so you can come along for the ride, and hopefully learn and heal from my struggles.

I’ve had this thing that happened a long time ago…something that has bothered me for quite some time, a passing thought, a warning in my spirit, or whatever you’d like to call it.  It has kinda haunted me off and on since it happened, almost 10 years ago.  Recently, as I continue to delve deeper into my own recovery, I keep bumping into it, knocking my shins on it, and frankly I’m getting sick of the bruises.  It’s just something that I’m going to have to forgive myself for, and finally drop it and let myself have some grace.

We do that, don’t we?  We let ourselves keep getting reminded of past failures or past mistakes that we think we just should have known better than to do.  Truth is, none of us are perfect.  We all make mistakes, and we all are wounded and sometimes act foolishly based on reactions to those wounds.  I absolutely love the quote by Maya Angelou, I think I’ve even quoted it on my blog before, that says “we do what we know to do, and when we know better, we do better.”  I find such truth in that.  I made mistakes in my past, and now all I can do is squeeze every drop of wisdom I can from them, and do better the next time.  But I have to admit, I have a hard time sometimes with the underlying forgiveness that this quote inspires…the implied grace of it that says that we screwed up because we didn’t know any better.  We couldn’t help it.

It’s no secret that I’m hard on myself.  I have a good strong conscience, and I’m glad I do.  But I must learn to give myself the grace that I have no trouble whatsoever in giving to others by the bucket-full.  Are you like me?  Maybe you can understand what I’m talking about in your head, but your heart hasn’t gotten the memo yet.  Let the grace in.  Embrace the hurt little kid inside you, and tell them it’s going to be OK.  Tell them they are forgiven.  Tell them you love them.  Maybe it sounds like “therapy mumbo-jumbo”, but it’s quite healing.  Give it a try, and have a cry from your toes.  I’ll join you…and go practice what I preach.

Thanks for reading.  See you again soon.

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2010, Nancy Eisenman