A friend of mine posted this on our friends newsgroup, and I thought it fit quite well into what I posted on last week. Check it out:

An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there’s a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. He is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, & ego.The other is Good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & truth.” The boy thought about it & asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

There is a ton of truth in this. Keeping our focus on the negative emotions and our dark side only serves to feed those emotions. Focusing on kindness, empathy, and love in the same way feeds those emotions.  Which wolf is winning inside of you?

Let’s go one step deeper.  Why would anyone want to feed the evil wolf inside of them?  I’ve come to learn that some folks feed their negative emotions not because they like it so much, but because the negative emotions and pain are their “normal”. It is actually uncomfortable for them to feel joy, because that does not align with their self-truth…that they are not good enough. They also have a crippling fear that if they do try to feel good, peaceful, loved…they will ultimately crash and find out that their fear was right all along, that they aren’t lovable, and that is more painful by far than simply not trying.  This lie paralyses all who choose to believe it.

If this describes you, deep seated shame holds you captive with fear. Facing it is very difficult. Do you have the courage to believe you’re good enough?  It’s not easy.  Is joy worth the risk?  You bet it is. What you’ll find out, if you choose to try, is that believing you’re not worthy is the lie you’ve been living in, and you can defeat that lie and begin to feel good enough with only one person believing it is so…you.  Others really don’t have to agree.

The connection you will feel if you allow the joy and love in holds the key to the lack of anxiety and the peace you yearn for. Recovery is not for the feint of heart. It’s easier if you have someone with you, encouraging you, holding your hair back while you puke, and guiding you along the path they’ve already walked. No change comes without pain.

A gifted therapist can make facing the fear bearable, and help you not slip back into your shame place, by helping you to see yourself objectively. Learn to starve the dark wolf inside of you. Not by ignoring it’s presence, but by being conscientious about not feeding it.  Feed the good wolf and reap a harvest of peace and joy. It’s worth it, and it will eventually become your new normal.  The change will feel uncomfortable for a good while, but eventually you will grow to where it will feel uncomfortable to be angry, sad, and depressed.

That’s what I have for you today. Happy wolf hunting!

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2011, Nancy Eisenman