This is a topic that I’ve written on before, but I think it is a good idea to revisit it from time to time.  I know that I, for one, need reminders in this area.  Today we are going to discuss self care.
It’s a pretty easy trap to fall into, particularly in today’s culture of Go, Go, GO!!!  Many people get sucked into the “Captivity of Activity”, as Beth Moore said in one of her Bible studies.  I knew that entering graduate school would mean that I was about to spend a few years being really busy.  (That is a bit of an understatement.)  It is impossible to balance your life when you are getting a masters with the requirements that mine demands, and I will admit that I don’t always do a good job with self care.  I don’t think that I am the only one, though.  I think that the expectations of society today pressure us to continually achieve and over-function.  ”Activity” can even become an addiction pretty easily.

So today I wanted to discuss some ideas about self care and its importance.  Those of us of the more codependent persuasion tend to take care of everyone BUT ourselves.  This can lead to unwanted conditions such as burnout and resentment.  Those who are more counter-dependent tend to be grandiose about self-care, and either indulge in it too much, letting others over-function for us, or neglect it completely because of our want to be seen as invincible.

Being chronically “stressed out” has an actual physiological effect on your brain structure.  For one of my classes, we are reading a book called “Brain rules:  12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School” by J. Medina (2008).  I actually would recommend this book to anyone, because it not only is really informative, it is an easy read.  It’s not full of huge words that you’ll have to look up in the dictionary just to follow along (like I do when I’m reading complex research articles…ya.).  It explains how our brains work and why, and it’s really interesting.  Medina said that “Under chronic stress, adrenaline creates scars in your blood vessels that can cause heart attack or stroke, and cortisol damages the cells of the hippocampus, crippling your ability to learn and remember” (p. 194).  So this self care issue is really important.
The first consideration for self care is to not over-extend ourselves.  How do we do that?  By saying “No”.  Repeat after me…”No.”  Sometimes that can be a really difficult thing to do, right?  Codependents know exactly what I’m talking about.  This is about having good boundaries, and a strong knowledge of our limitations.  Brene Brown, who is known for her research on shame, authenticity, and vulnerability, shared a really good tip for helping yourself say “no” more easily.  She said that what she does is spins a ring on her finger three times before answering a question about whether or not she can do something.  ”Can you bring brownies for the bake sale?”  Spin, spin, spin…”No”.  She gives herself time to think BEFORE she answers, and gives herself permission to say “no” if it will cause her to become burned out, resentful, or otherwise over-extended.  We need to have good boundaries and know our limitations.  (To be introduced to Brene Brown, click here.)

The second consideration for self care is a self-awareness of what refreshes us.  Extroverts, for example, need to be around people to rejuvenate themselves.  Introverts need to be alone.  Activities that refresh the soul are various and different for different people.  Perhaps it’s reading a good book in your favorite chair.  Maybe it’s taking a bubble bath in candlelight.  Perhaps it’s going to the gym or other exercise.  How about a massage or manicure?  Google “self care” and get ideas.  Try them out.  Find what works for you.

I’m off to get in some self care.  It’s even more important when you’re really busy, so I will practice what I preach.  Happy relaxation!

Nancy Eisenman, MSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2014, Nancy Eisenman

©2013, Nancy Eisenman