Failure, what a weird, small word that packs a powerful punch to the gut. I mean a sucker punch to the gut that knocks us completely off our feet. When we want to try something, but worry about ‘what if it fails”…and we are completely crushed. We can’t move, can’t get out of bed, don’t know what to do next. I don’t know about your gut, but my gut hates thinking about failure, or really the fear of failure. I’m thinking about this because I have started thinking about taking this journey towards being in private practice now that we have been open for one year. I am facing some fears most of us face when we are in any profession or relationship. We may fall flat on our face, but many of us, don’t think that we could also fear success, that we might not fail, or maybe someday I might fail when I’m entrenched in my profession. Failing doesn’t mean I am not worthy of being treated with respect, or that I am not valuable. Failure simply means, I am in a place to learn and grow from this experience. Thinking about it in those terms does not come easy, especially when it feels like I am going to DIE in those moments. You have thoughts of, “WHAT? You expect me to, what?? Learn? I am only trying to make it to the next hour today.” I am here to say, yes, but it is a process. A process of being willing to look into that abyss of fear and failure and still having the courage to take that leap (A GIANT LEAP), knowing that there is actually a bottom to the abyss. The courage it takes to make that leap is not something anyone else can tell us about or something anyone else can do for us. Sometimes we are so crippled, we can’t even get to the edge of that cliff to make the leap beyond fear.
What we can do for each other is support one another through that process and ask the questions that we are either afraid to ask, or don’t even see. For example, we might be at a fork in the road about whether to take a job or not, whether to leave our spouse or not, whether to leave/stay in a profession. Questions in those moments can be, which way seems easy in the moment? “If I just divorce my spouse, I’ll be happy, we’ll be happy,” “if I just get a different job, I’ll be happy,” “if I just don’t drink and drive, I will be happy.” These thoughts may be what is needed, but what if it’s fear holding us back from taking that leap to where I can be happy in my marriage, I can be happy in my job, I can be happy with myself? All of these questions swirl around the abyss, keeping us from seeing the bottom and how far our fall may actually be if we don’t reach the other side. The harder in the moment decisions are the ones that require work put into ourselves, into our relationships, into our jobs, requiring courage to take that leap across (and yes, I am talking about a leap across a black abyss we can’t see the bottom of yet).
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Man, oh man, how we wish someone could just tell us what to do in those moments, but the reward for making that decision on our own gives part of that inner feeling of peace, meaning our gut is no longer churning, that sucker punch doesn’t keep us from breathing, and we can see the bottom of that abyss, even if our world is crumbling around us. We can overcome that fear. It doesn’t always happen alone. Sometimes we need help to see through the fog of questions to see what is really going on, but once we do, the view is amazing and we are not necessarily no longer scared, but we are ready to take the leap across, and sometimes we find that the fall isn’t as far as we feared and we can breathe again, we can stand again, we can move, we can leap.
How about you? Are you ready to take that leap? Do you want peace in your marriage? Do you want peace with yourself? If so, what would happen if you braved the fear of failure? Took that leap? Remember, it doesn’t have to be done alone. Call if you would like help through the process.