I recently met a woman with a couple of very powerful addictions, we’ll call her Denise (not her real name).  Denise was quite guarded with me at first, but she confided in me that she has had 2 addictions in particular for almost her entire life.  She is a grandmother, so has been struggling with them for a very long time.  She told me that she had been in and out of rehab at least 10 times to try to overcome them, but each time went back to her old ways.  She said to me point blank, “Rehab just doesn’t work for me.”

We develop addictions basically as a coping mechanism.  We all have pain in our childhoods growing up; even those that had great families have pain and issues.  ALL of us.  Some of us choose to numb our pain with addictions.  That’s really what they are…a shot of novocaine for the pain in our hearts.  A way to suppress, cope with, and escape from pain.  People can be addicted to substances such as alcohol, drugs, or food; or behaviors, such as rescuing, sex, work, or gambling.

Sometimes even more than the physically addictive properties of some substances and behaviors, the pain of what will be felt without the “novocaine” is what holds the real power.  Having to cope with emotional pain is not easy at all.  It takes a tremendous amount of courage!  Being vulnerable and going back to consciously “re-feel” all of our wounds is very painful.  It is necessary for healing, but it is extremely difficult to face.

Denise told me that each time she had tried rehab or to quit her addictions, she had failed.  She told me that she would like to quit very much, and that she wanted to try to do so again.  I asked her, “Who do you  have for support to help you through it, this time?”  She replied that she would again be trying to do it alone.  Let me just say straight up…it is nearly 100% impossible to stop an addiction completely alone, and based on sheer willpower.  The physical AND emotional pull back to our addictive ways is WAY too powerful to do alone.  And the truth of it is, we are not really meant to either.  We are all here to help shoulder each other’s burdens.

The really great news is, not only are there many wonderful people out there willing to help, but they also know exactly how it feels to struggle with addictions because they were once there themselves.  They will not ever judge because they understand.  They have tons of compassion because they know how hard addictions are to overcome.  They will also hold folks accountable and make it easier to stay away from their particular brand of novacaine.  Groups for most any addiction are available to join at no charge, and they are easy to find through the use of the internet, a pastor, a social worker, etc.  Reach out to anyone at all and ask for help.  If they can’t help personally, they can help find someone who can.  The first step really is admitting you have a problem.

The last time I talked to Denise she had reached out by writing a letter to the pastor of a nearby church, and in it had asked for help in overcoming her addictions.  She said that this time, she would not try to do it alone.  I have such great hope for her success in overcoming her addictions this time around.  She is motivated, and she has asked for help from some wonderful, compassionate people.  Give me a call or send me an email, and we will get you or someone you know on a path to lifelong, lasting changes.

Thanks for stopping by.  See you again soon.

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2010, Nancy Eisenman