If you know a guy like this, my bet would be that this fella is doing at least one, but probably both, of these two things: a) not earning it with their actions, and b) asking for/demanding it/ and talking about it way too much.  Both of these things totally kill genuine, heartfelt respect.  I’ll give you an example of each:

• Perhaps the respect-seeker is a hard worker, but he does not treat people very nicely.  Maybe he knows his job well, but doesn’t give credit where it’s due.  Maybe he says he loves women, but treats them as if they exist to serve him.  Maybe he lies or cheats.  Maybe he doesn’t truly listen much, or love much.  Maybe he rarely, if ever, considers the needs of others.  Whatever it is that’s going on, if he’s hard-core about wanting respect, the fact is he’s going to have to earn it.  The first step for our boy is to adopt a posture of complete humility.  I’m not talking about acting like he’s a piece of crap, I’m talking about letting his actions do the talking for him, and making sure his actions are honorable.  One thing I know for certain, if you do not live your life (in actions, not words) in a way that folks can respect, or if you act in a way that hurts others or fundamentally goes against the grain of what they believe, they will not be able to give you genuine respect no matter what.  They have to really feel it.
• Then there is talking about it way too much.  This is a lesser “offense”, but it will also effectively squelch those who might give respect.  People do not like to be controlled, period.  Who likes to be told what to do or how to do it repeatedly?  Asking for respect excessively is pretty much guaranteeing you won’t get it.  See why?  People want to give of their own free will, because there is no joy in giving something that is demanded of you.  It’s controlling and oppressive.  If they are inspired, they will give it.  If it is demanded of them, probably not so much, and even if they do relent and give some kudos, they will not be genuine.  They will be resentful.  That’s not the kind of respect you want either…because it’s not true respect.  It’s “lip service.”

So, that’s the how to, or how not to get respect.  Remember we talked about the “when”?  This really is key, and this is where it goes deep.  What really needs to happen for our man is that he needs to take a look inside himself and see what’s really going on that needs healing.  We know that a need for respect is built into the tapestry that is “man.” It’s legitimate.  Men have to feel respected.  But if ole boy doesn’t feel respected by others, why is that?  Is it everyone else who has the problem, really?  What’s broken on the inside?  Is he SO needy for respect that he has to demand it from others too much?  Where does that come from?  If he’s not living in ways that folks can respect, where are the problem areas?  And then, after the work of naming it is done, then comes the when…the healing.  When will you be ready to give up the behaviors that keep others from respecting you?