I was thinking about something as simple as one’s salary, for example.  Perhaps someone has an income that is sufficient for their basic life necessities, they can make ends meet, and they have “enough.”  They feel rather content, feeling blessed that they have a place to sleep, clothes to wear, and food to eat.  Then what happens?  They find out that Joe who works down the hall doing the exact same job makes $2000 more/yr.  All of a sudden, they’re no longer happy with their job or salary, and anger and resentment builds.  Immediately gone is the joy, the outlook of blessing, the gratitude of having enough.  All of a sudden, what they make is $2000/yr not enough.  Likewise, someone who makes $200,000/yr can feel they are having a hard time financially, while someone who makes $20,000/yr feels blessed because they have enough to eat and a place to sleep.  Comparison to the norms of the world, and what you think you should have, can steal your joy in a heartbeat.

What about relationships?  The same thing is true when people look at the lives of others and say “I wish I had…” or “at least you have…”  What happens when we compare what others have to what we have?  Usually one of two things: 1) our joy is gone because we don’t have as much as someone else, and we pine for more; or 2) we become judgmental or condescending, finding ourselves “better than” because we have more.  Both are joy destroyers.

There are more options than just 1) and 2) however.  For example 3) we can look at someone else who has more, and be joyful with them in their blessings, 4) not worry about comparing, and still feel thankful for what we have, 5) see that someone else has less than we do and share, etc.  If we chose these options, how might our joy increase?

The adverb that comes to mind is “exponentially.”  What joy there is in gratitude!  A heart filled with gratitude has no room for anger and depression.  Endlessly comparing what we have to what others have is a recipe for despair and a life driven by hunger and greed and feelings of wanting.

You’ve heard the sayings: “the grass is greener,” and ”keeping up with the Joneses,” for example.  You never really know what is going on in the lives of others, the hardships and obstacles and pains they face.  When it comes down to it, they are on a different path, a journey to grow them in the places they need growing.  It is not your journey.  Learn what you can exactly where you are.  The Bible goes so far as to encourage us to “Consider it pure joy…when you have troubles of many kinds.”  (James 1:2)  Say what?  Yep.  Embrace the truth.  You are not a victim.  Your troubles are there to teach you.  Your circumstances are a classroom to learn, and you can change how you feel without changing any circumstance.  Accept the challenge with joy!

Nancy Eisenman, MSW, LSW is an individual, marital, and family therapist. She specializes in couples and marriage counseling, individual counseling, group and family counseling. Nancy serves the surrounding areas of Carmel, Westfield, Zionsville, Fishers, and Noblesville. E-Counseling available for residents of Indiana.

©2012, Nancy Eisenman